“To me there is no picture so beautiful as smiling, bright-eyed, happy children; no music so sweet as their clear and ringing laughter”. - P.T. Barnum
Every time I look at this picture, I smile. Grady’s enthusiastic grin makes me smile.
It is indeed a source of happiness for me. A source of inspiration. A source of refreshment. Most importantly though, it serves a reminder that there is nothing more important than we as parents and coaches can give to our children...than the gift of play.
For kids, play is everything. It is an essential part of every child’s life and it is not only a source of enjoyment but a vital part of their social, emotional, intellectual and physical development. Play is so critical that it's been recognized by the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights as a right of every child. And when children are asked about what they think is important in their lives, playing and friends always top the list.
As both a parent and a coach of three young, healthy troublemaking boys, it pains me to see this generation not engaging in free play nearly as often. Gone are the days of backyard ball, sweatpants filled with grass stains and holes, and automatic qb’s. Call me nostalgic or call me Jon Bon Jovi, but those were the best days of my life. A time when friendships were made and resilience learned.
So why then has the amount of time children spend playing each day has gone down considerably over the last two decades? And what can we all do to ensure play becomes more integral in our child’s life?
Hint: The answer to the question above lies with the choices we make for our kids.
Through various successes and failures in parenting, we test the waters, desperately trying to make sense of what level of encouragement to provide while comparing it to our own experience as children. We must remain mindful of the ‘warning’ given in 1964 when Bob Dylan penned, ‘The times are a-changin’. And with all due respect to the greatest songwriter, the times have already changed from when we stood the same height as our kids do now. Parenting styles have evolved as well. Yet, this is not an invitation to debate what approach is better but rather an objective acknowledgment that our parents experience when they were young kids differs from how they raised us. Invariably how our children will choose to raise our grandchildren will too, slightly differ. The judgment rendered for which approach is better will certainly be debated in households similarly to how we love discussing who the G.O.A.T’s are in spots. And while these impassioned discussions are often fun to engage in, we must remember that no matter what the approach is, there is nothing as important as giving our children the gift/time of play.
So, what can we do as parents?
Less scheduling. More downtime.
The key message to parents and coaches who are currently living in the era of over-scheduling is simple; choose to make play the number one priority for your children. To do so, we must increase our children’s downtime at home by continually choosing this option over whatever the latest, ‘must-attend’ elite tournament being promoted. Family life is challenging enough but downtime, where kids can be kids and play freely, is an absolute necessity for their growth.
The endgame is happy and healthy, not scholarships.
As parents, we ultimately want the best for our children. They’re our biggest life’s investment so it’s natural for us to want to put them in the best situation to succeed. In order to do so, we must first shift today’s perspective of what success looks like. Success in youth sports should not be defined by what club logo is attached to the front of your kid’s jackets but rather whether their demeanor is before and after a practice or game. Are they eager to get going the morning of the game and/or show jubilation and desire for more following?
At Scoops, I like to say the lead actor/actress billed in the story is not lacrosse but rather play. The supporting actor/actress is fun. The proxy we use to tell this story is a sport (lacrosse). Sports are the best way to keep kids active, build confidence, learn resilience, and ultimately help them realize their potential early on. That’s our endgame. And we achieve it through fun games and play
It is said that ‘play is the language of children’. The most critical question we must ask ourselves today is whether we have ‘spoken’ it to them lately? Not through rationale or signups, but rather in your backyard or basement this upcoming weekend...I dare you to start playing again. Who knows, you may just have some fun.
Thank you for taking the time to read this lacrosse coach’s perspective.
Wishing you all the best and a very playful holiday season.
Respectfully,
Coach Bels
